When I thought that I had my whole life planned out, when I weighed my strengths and weaknesses and determined what is ok for me to pursue, just when I worried day and night about my future and what it holds for me, He gives me something so good that I thought was too far out of my reach to ever even try to get.
So many times. So many times I thought i knew, but He smiled at me and showed me he knows better. So many times when I held those fake man-made diamonds so tightly refusing to let go because they were all I had, I forget that He is trying to give me real diamonds. I forget that all I need to do is release my hand.
I should just give up planning. Because all I can see in my life is who I might have lunch with tomorrow. And that sometimes doesn't even come to pass. Because sometimes as I look at my calender full of scribbles and appointments, I wonder: Anything...my sudden death, an accident, a windfall, a new job...anything will change everything i have on that calender. And I have absolutely no control over it.
I have been fretting about my internships for months, worrying about what i am going to do in the summer...spending hours and days writing resumes and cover letters only to hear silence on the other end. And all of a sudden, I tried my luck with one place, very much sure that I wasn't going to get it because it was way over my range. After all, I spent months trying to get an internship at smaller companies, no way I'll get this...im very realistic about my abilities. And then craziness happened. I got a reply to my query asking me to forward them my resume. I forwarded it and they emailed me asking me when I'll be free for an interview. I stated down a couple of dates thinking I'll have time to prepare for it. They emailed me back: How about right now? 2:30am philadelphia time. 3:30pm Singapore time. I said, sure. Phone rang. I jumped. At this point of time I was sweating so profusely I only realised later that I soaked through my shirt, in -1 degree winter. Phone interview went on for about 15 -20 minutes. Was all ready for them to end the conversation with "We'll get back to you with the results in a month or so." No. She said: We'll hire you. I was in between choking and trying to form coherent sentences. She asked if the pay was too low. I said, whao thats pretty high. She said she'll reduce it then. I choked out, no its alright. The pay was low, but i really did not care. She puts down the phone. I start to think that I hallucinated the entire conversation. I googled up her name to see if she exists. I convinced myself I was hallucinating until they sent me the letter and i signed it and i faxed it back. The whole application - interview - offer - acceptance process took less than 12 hours.
I am still in shocked. I don't think I really believe it until I start on the first day. I tried hitting my head on the wall to see if I'm dreaming. My four month, 120 days, 2880 hour internship hunt ended in 12 hours.
Someone once told me, there is no point worrying about the future, because God always has something better planned for it. Still in shock and awe. Now I just need to figure out how to get my three suitcases of clothes home.