My recent conversation with a close girlfriend was about the differences between dating an Asian man and a Caucasian guy, ironic since I am doing an essay on the differences between the Asian and western press. Considering I have never seriously dated anyone non-Asian before or have any close white male friends, I have absolutely no expertise in that area. To me, I have never felt the impulse to date someone based on race. I absolutely adore my international friends but I also wouldn't mind if my life partner is so local that he can understand what I am saying when I'm muttering singlish in my sleep, and consider having Nasi Briyani and Assam Laksa for my wedding reception. And I am very much in love and happy with my Malaysian Chinese better half.
But that got me thinking, is there really a blinking difference between an Asian guy and a non-Asian guy? Considering about half my friends are dating people from another races:
Singaporean Chinese/White Aussie 3x,Chinese Singaporean/White French, Taiwanese/Brazilian, Chinese Singaporean/English, White English/Sri Lankan, Chinese Singaporean/White American, Chinese Singaporean/White Canadian, Japanese/White American, Vietnamese/White American, White Aussie/Chinese are just some examples
does race really matter when you are dating someone? Or are we just bounded by the stereotypes of people we see around us? The typical ones I have heard, which I think are all gross generalisations include: white guys are better in bed. White guys just want to get you in bed and then leave. Asian guys are all mummies’ boys. Asian guys are gentler and make better husbands. Asian men are weak. White men are violent and will get drunk and beat the shit out of you. White men who are dating Asian girls all have Asian fetish. Asian girls who date white guys are all SPGs (Sarong party girls: a Singaporean term for Asian girls who dig white men for their money and their supposed expertise in bed)
Well I have seen big strapping Asian men as much as I have seen white men that are geeky and total pansies. So are we just demonising the "other"? Or just thinking that the grass is greener on the other side? Is it just an exotic factor? I mean, it is kinda novel for a while to say, hi I'm dating a Persian-Swedish-Russian-Latino mixed blooded dude rather than I'm dating a fellow Singaporean who I met in school and we are going to apply for a HDB flat together? Do people consciously pick people of a certain race to prove a point? Like, if you are an Asian girl, pick an Asian dude to prove you are not an SPG. Or pick a white dude just to prove you are not the “Fobby/Cheena-chinese” sort?
8 comments:
I think the answer is a definite yes. Afterall, you said so yourself in the first line that you want someone who understands your Asian way of living. I think ultimately, it depends on the individual, just that certain traits are more prevalent in different races and the majority tend to follow those certain behaviours/attitudes/way of living. - Justin
I would hope that no-one chooses friends, let alone partner by their race. (ie. he's my white friend, she's my black friend etc.) That just seems very shallow.
Everyone has different values, whether they be cultural/family/religious etc. and they do come into play when determining whether a relationship will last.
In a relationship people adopt other peoples habits/morals - we learn from each other. So of course you life partner will understand your 'Asian lifestyle' regardless of his race.
I don't think race comes into it (unless the person is prejudice) attraction comes down to pheromones & personality.
Maybe be a bit more open minded and before you know it, you might meet some people you have more in common with that are not asian?
OK... I'm typing this entire thing again because the computer wacked out on me.
To the person who contributed to the previous entry, your comment about Charissa needing to expand her racial horizons is sorely misguided because she has numerous non-Asian friends.
Hi Charissa dear! I can't wait to catch up with you in Sydney. I'm almost able to confirm on dates. Sorry for the wait!
With regards to your post, I think it's more to do with the personality traits of the person which attract us to them - either as friends or other. Having been out with only two people (one caucasian, and now chinese) I don't think the cultural thing matters too much. It's more about who the person is and having things in common which you can share, like faith, religion, goals :)
Arlene
This is Charl. I was also the one who left the anon post saying that you don't need to expand your racial horizons. Well I realised that I didn't leave my name. Lol.
Anyway however much we want to anaesthethise the culture issue it's still there- ethnicity is an ugly topic but it's a hidden one. Personality is most important, but culture is not all bad, it's what adds another dimension to the relationship.
Surprisingly, I become more 'Asian-like' when I'm with him because I'm eager for him to know and appreciate my roots. I introduce my country food, teach him Chinese, and etc. It's a cultural exchange which makes me look with new eyes the things I previously took for granted, and it makes the everyday something new to be explored (sometimes with patience, ha ha).
Of course sometimes problems arise, like when he couldn't understand why my parents disapproved of him or why they valued their 'face'. On my part I often make the mistake of lumping the entire Europe together and refering to them as if they don't have individual identities.
Still I think personality is the crux of the matter. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with one person, it's not going to be because you like their skin type. It's going to be because you love everything, nuances and all.
You guys are amazing! Interracial relationships are beautiful. And I love the way your put it in words. I guess it is the person, not the skin colour you are loving.
Charl here again!
OK... Simon wants me to add that he is also trying very hard to understand our culture, and I don't lump the entire Europe together because I like different cheeses.
hahaha....simon is hilarious! so cheese is critical to understanding european culture eh?
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