The Difference Between Men and Women Part 1

I was in Bennett's Lane Jazz Bar a few nights ago with Bob and Sam re-living my life when I used to hang out with platonic guy friends in Philly. Since I got back to Melbourne, estrogen kicked in, all my friends became girls and I feel awkward sending a "Lets catch up for coffee" to a male person. So Sam was talking to the door person (I told him they were called door bitches and he looked at me like I was being rude) and I whispered to Bob that from the way she was sitting, she was totally not into him. And then Sam came back to the table, Bob leaned over to Sam and said "Charissa said she was not into you."

My mind was fumbling into disarray with a come back line to counter Bob's brutal honesty. But Sam just shrugged and looked thankful for the honest opinion. And then I was reminded about the differences between guys and girls.

Think about it, same situation but with a Samantha and Bobette. Samantha tries to pick up the bartender, but bartender looks distracted. Samantha comes back to the table and squeals about how cute and 'into her' the bartender was. Never in a million years would Bobette say, 'Look, the bartender was so not into you because there was a much prettier blond standing behind you, and he was trying to cut the conversation with you short so he can flirt with her. Besides, you look fat in your skinny jeans.' No. Bobette would say something along the lines of
'Yeah he looks kinda into you...maybe he is distracted because he is shy.' It isn't really an outright lie. An outright lie would be 'He is totally into you, go jump him and make a fool of yourself for our viewing pleasure.'

Bobette's vagueness is needed to protect her friend's feelings. Girls value protecting each other's feelings over brutal honesty. While they most often will still tell the truth, they will opt to say "Those jeans don't quite suit you" instead of "Whao you look like a pregnant whale in that." Because she knows if she says the latter, her friend will spend the entire week thinking about how fat and unattractive she is, how sad her life is, attempt to diet for a few days and feel like a total loser because she doesn't have the necessary discipline. Tell a girl that a bunch of people hate her and she will seriously get upset, spend endless hours thinking she has a personality disorder and either withdraw from that group of friends or overcompensate by being over friendly. Yeah she will get over it, but why inflict the pain in the first place?

So with every question, most girls already have the correct buzzer they want you to press in their head. Q:Am I fat? A: Are you kidding, of course you are not. Besides you look better this size than before. Q: Am I prettier than her? A: Of course you are, her eyes on you wouldn't go with your face shape. Q: Does this dress look nice? A: Yes it does, and it will go very well with a trench coat over it.

Do girls want honesty? Of course they do. They just want it in subtle easy-to-swallow pieces rather than spell-it-out brutal honesty. She is cunning enough in her sentence structure analysis to understand that the hesitations in your answer, the ummm...hmmm....and flippant, "I don't really know..." or "I'm not the best person to ask", is disapproval to her choice of clothes, boyfriend, cooking or choice of room decoration. There is no need to say " I think you boyfriend looks like a cock-eyed humpback penguin with the personality of a Kenny from South Park" to get a message across.

And somehow, girls, during the first 'friend-meets-boyfriend' session, will ask what their friends think about their boyfriend the first chance they get. Do guys do the same thing? I don't know. Or do guys really not care what their mates think about their girlfriend? After Clarence's choice of words over my past partners and after hearing so many guys openly diss their sister/female friend's choice of partners in front of their faces, I have concluded that guys feel that their brutal honesty is appreciated. And as many of my guy friends have said, 'If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask."